Musical Theater and Mentorship: Carly’s Story
July 26, 2023
Carly Bereznay (she/her) is a queer-identifying woman living in Maryland and prides herself on her engagement with youth. She is a mentee through GSALink and works as an SLP-BCBA through child-led, assent based and play-based practices in homes through Spectrum LLC. Carly has been an activist since a young age but finds her 1:1 work with youth, particularly her mentee, extremely fulfilling.
Talk about how you started working with your mentee.
I knew the state of the nation was horrifying and wanted to support LGBTQIA+ young people. I found the GSA Link program on social media and immediately contacted Jake Sullivan to sign up to be a mentor. As a speech-language pathologist, I had experience working with children in other capacities, so this was a natural fit.
Doing this was important to me because when I look back on my youth, I realize that if I’d had an adult in my life to guide me, my coming out process would have been easier and my identity would have been found much sooner. I would have felt more secure with a safe adult outside of my home environment, which I think is true for a lot of queer-, trans-, and nonbinary-identifying young people who have home environments that can be hectic and dysfunctional. I had a difficult home environment with a sibling who needed a lot of attention due to learning difficulties and other challenges, and our family didn’t necessarily have the tools to deal with us both. When I came out, the only person who really “got it” was my 96-year-old grandmother.
How did your first meeting with your mentee happen?
It’s honestly hard to remember because we were instantly so close! Before the meeting, I felt like I needed to prepare and was so anxious about if we had nothing to talk about, but it was so natural. I introduced myself and shared some of my values and what I believe in, and we quickly bonded over a shared love of music. Since then, we’ve done everything from silly things to have very serious conversations. The silliest thing we’ve done is put on full costumes and makeup to do a “diva-off,” where we lip-synced to our best “diva songs.” I came in glitter, sequins, and a rainbow boa and sang “I Will Survive.” My mentee sang “Material Girl” as Madonna with a fingerless glove and neon pink suit, and she was just fabulous.
My mentee and I are both just unapologetically ourselves, which I think is what makes this mentorship so successful. We call each other “your excellence” since it’s a gender-neutral term. She came up with that!
What has it been like working with a mentee?
My mentee and I bond over musical theater all the time. I’m currently in a production of the musical Head over Heels. It’s an amazing, pure, wonderful production that captures queer love on stage in a beautiful way. She is just so hyped for me that I’m in this production, and I even gave her a little shoutout in my bio.
I have such a respect for my mentee that I feel every feeling she has. I understand where she’s been, and I remember being that age and being so vulnerable. I hold this spot in my heart for her that I might not for others because she is so special. I see her for exactly who she is, and she’s just such a bright light.
I also see her struggles and am able to help her navigate those as a safe adult. For example, I have training in trauma-informed therapy. When she was going through a tough time, I gave her ideas for things to do to set her up for success in relationships – thing like boundaries and setting limits. She wrote on her bedroom walls affirmations that I helped her create. It was powerful to be able to do for her something I wished someone had done for me.
Why is mentoring so important for LGBTQIA+ people?
It feels like the nation is against us when you look at things like banned books, banning drag queens, and laws against gender-affirming care. In some states, people are deadnamed and can’t be authentically themselves. And I think about how I was stifled when I was young, and it came raging out later. If I hadn’t been stifled, I would have been able to cope and understand myself at a younger age.
I hate the phrase “love is love” because it does not encompass what we need in this nation. We need people in this nation to be accepted authentically for who they are – whether they’re queer, trans, or any identity. And I really believe queer young people are our future. My mentee could be the president. She is eloquent, an amazing writer, and a creative and confident soul. She deserves to be in a space where she is loved and accepted by this nation.
Has this been your first time mentoring someone?
In high school, I mentored someone who had lost her mom early in life. She was in fifth grade and I was a junior. Her identity was very murky in that she didn’t feel as though she belonged in a white or a Black world. When her mother died, she was thrown into a home with the father who had abandoned her at a young age. I had to teach her about things like periods and how she wanted to dress and express herself. It was very hard to hold boundaries with her. For example, she would pop into my classes and I’d have to tell her politely, “I love and respect you, but I have to do my schoolwork. I can’t be there for you right now, but I will be there for you when class is over.”
She and I are actually still in touch, and I even went to her 30th birthday party recently. She’s grown a lot and has had to navigate so much, and now she is a veterinarian and a woman I respect so much. The thing about our relationship is that I consider myself a blip on her radar. She did the heavy lifting, and I just happened to be a person she looked up to and admired. I think that’s important with mentorship.
Have there been any challenges working with a mentee?
Sometimes I feel too deeply and have to step back and remember that while her struggles mirror some of mine at that age, I need to be the adult. Rather than going back to being that 14-year-old girl, I have to put my own traumas in the backseat and focus on the 14-year-old in front of me. I am always conscious of ensuring my own traumas inform my perspective and enable me to empathize, but don’t take over.
Do you have any advice for other mentors or potential mentors?
It will be life-changing for the both of you because you grow together. It’s an experience that may be nerve-wracking at first. You may sit in silence for the first hour! But if you come as your authentic self and respect and love them, there will be a connection.
Something that I really like about the way that I work with my mentee is keeping it as kidlike as possible. Even though she’s 14 years old, she never really had the opportunity to be a kid because as the eldest sibling, she’s always falling into the role of a caretaker, and she has also struggled with other things that have forced her to grow up. I love to do the silliest things with her, like the “diva-off” I mentioned, watching reaction videos to musical theater, and laughing and crying together.
My focus is to try and help at least one LGBTQIA+ kid be a kid because it’s so important that they maintain that kidlike quality. And I benefit just as much from this relationship as she does! She’s so compassionate and thoughtful – she’ll just send me otter videos if I’m having a bad day because she knows those are my favorite. When I’m with her, I get to be silly and queer and all my things with her. She means the world to me, and without her I don’t think I would have had the courage to put myself out there like she does.
Now more than ever, there is a need for caring adults, advocates, and mentors to support LGBTQ+ youth. The LGBTQ Supplement to MENTOR’s Elements of Effective Practice for Mentoring™ offers step-by-step operations guidance to develop safer, more affirming, and responsive mentoring relationships for LGBTQ+ youth.